so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
