Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up under a house in Key West
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
