so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am one with the molecules
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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