She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
