I only kidnapped one of them. chill
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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