my mouth tastes like poor choices
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
