That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
