Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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