i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
