I am puke
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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