i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Couch. On fire.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
