Screwed.edu
just tell him i said nine months
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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