took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
