mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
