I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
