My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
