i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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