I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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