he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
