I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
