And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
