If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i now understand why vodka
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
