woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
