Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
