Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
