I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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