The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
