I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
