Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
