I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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