Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So vagazzling was a success
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
