I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
