Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
