when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
