Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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