Sry I called you an 8
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
