im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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