Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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