bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
