While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
