Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
