She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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