be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
