How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
