Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
