I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
