I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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