yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
