you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
