What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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