Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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